Sunshine and Rain


As a little girl, I was always taught to


Be the sunshine when you feel like rain.


and it's a phrase that's just always stuck with me. 

So, being completely transparent, I've very obviously been avoiding writing anything. Sorry for those who actually read my content, but I've been battling with my depression a lot and haven't wanted to put out negative energy. Thank you for your patience, and for those who have taken my hand when I've been reaching out.

I was encouraged to write something again by a new companion, who took me on an awesome play day to get out of my head, but first, let's do that thing that they do on TV series and recap:

I'd been hurting, I've worked hard to establish friend groups and all it took was one person to wedge their way in and cause my groups to keep me at arms distance. I take that shit pretty hard, and those who get close to me know it. I'm truly an empathetic person, in that even when others claim to be so in tune with others feelings (as they selfishly make their choices and excuses) ignoring the fact that you felt so much for them that you allowed them to hurt you so that they wouldn't feel that pain too, I put my lack of trust aside and struggle with the feeling as I'm pushed out. I was let go from my job, unexpectedly, with the words, "Everyone loves you, the staff loves you, customers love you, good luck on your next vendetta!" and life is scary right now. Again, I apologize for the delay in posting, but depression didn't knock on the door, it barged right in as it pleased.

My roommates however, don't stand for that. "You're too nice," they tell me as they make a cup of coffee and pat my hair, "Sometimes it's ok to let people lay in the bed they made. You can't fix everyone." Yet, they keep me sane when I need fixing. Snuggling up on the couch on rainy evenings, going climbing with me on days off, even when literally everything we could do wrong happens.

Allison asked me to go to Clear Creek one morning, and it was a day of disaster and tears...mostly from laughter. After not being sure what route we were on, she had to back track and borrow a few lower draws to complete the route, I was too short to reach my bag from the tyrol, draws that should be holding the ropes closer together got stuck, there was a panic attack from each of us, made friends with a wonderful little canadian who gave us a scavenger hunt for beer, this girl had high spirits the entire day-and I love her so much for it. 

Fast forward to the present, sort of, yesterday to be politically correct. I met up with Levi in the morning at the park, where we solo'ed up the Flat Irons, hiked up the back side of the green away from tourists, and down around flag the rain. Miserable to most, but we went from scrambling up a mountain in the beating sun, pouring sweat, to laughing as we slid our way down in the rain. How often do you see wonderful sights, enjoy good company, and find humor in the worst circumstances? Definitely deserved the beer and ice cream after.

So, there isn't really much of a moral to this post, honestly. Just that, as I sit here shuffling through ad's for the swaggin' wagon, cruising around for a new job, trying hard to focus on the sunshine, because it's ok to feel like rain.


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Stay Positive.


KariDane Matlock