Change of Plans

I'm a planner. 

Photo courtesy of Chloe McAndrew

I write out daily to-do lists, keep journals, write out my exercise plan on my calendar, design my room, my weekly attire, literally everything. In meeting my friends, I'm the mom of the group. Herding my little chickens to the coop, trying to make plans, and I tend to get hit with last minute plans, a lot. In my own experience, I've found that life doesn't always go according to plan, and it drives me crazy.

I know God has a plan for me, but holy moly I wish he'd let me in on wtf he's got for me. Because today, I'm making a huge life change that was presented, and decided for me two weeks ago, in a matter of an hour.

Let's do that thing where I back track, so, two weeks ago: I was meeting my best friend, Chloe, for coffee, and she walks in with a sloppy bun, sweat shirt, tights, uggs, completely flustered. We take cute coffee photos, pictures above, drink almond milk lattes, make friends with the staff, but just something seemed off. She says she's stressed because her moving date was just upped by three months. I agree, that is stressful, what's more stressful? We make a joke about moving together, and in ten minutes I'm making plans to move. 

So, for the past two weeks, I've panicked. I've literally torn everything I own apart, sold all of my clothing, knick knacks, and excess gear, to be here, now, loading what I have left into a Uhaul with Chloe preparing to drive to Denver where we'll live in a house of adventurous women. 

I feel so much anxiety. I've never lived that far from my family, I'm not sure I'll truthfully be able to afford this life, and I can't even talk to my boyfriend (next entry about THAT phenomenon) because he's at the NOLS and can't communicate. So, no complaining aloud. I'm supposed to move back in August, chasing love, and I'm terrified that I won't be able to move home. What if I can't transfer work back? What if I can't find a home? I'm not even to my next home and I'm worried about coming back.

This entry doesn't have a life lesson conclusion, more so a question, a plea, God help me. Or, if anyone bothers to read this, shit, send me some advice or words of encouragement! 

All I know right now is, I'm not lost, just exploring.


Stay Positive.

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KariDane Matlock