Starting over is hard. Trust me, I’ve done it enough times, and have yet to be successful. But going somewhere new, doing something entirely different, trying to escape who you were and all the horrible things you did, it isn’t easy.
I’m thankful for the mistakes I’ve made being only what they were, I could be much worse off.
I’ve never done drugs, I’ve only ever been drunk a handful of times, I’ve never been arrested, and I’ve never been in a physical altercation. But I’ve still screwed up.
Getting a new job, a new place, and essentially a new identity just by the same name is always my fresh start. I went from being mousy little Kari, to the eccentric Kari Dane, and now the secret life of KD.
I’ve created this idea of my next home, pinning board after board, saving instagram pages, and facebook diy’s. But it doesn’t really work that way. You have this idea of how things are going to look, feel, and just be, but it’s never quite what you picture in your head.
Here I am in a new home, struggling with self-detrimental habits again; obsessive diet tracking, running/climbing/yoga for aesthetic purpose rather than self-fulfillment, and horrible thoughts of should I/shouldn’t I?
BRAIN: You should bite your finger off.
ME: No, I really shouldn’t.
BRAIN: Well, somebody’s gotta do it.
ME: Literally NO ONE has to do it.
BRAIN:….Somebody’s gotta do it.
Thinking new, being new, starting new…new, new….knew?
Not what you knew, this is all new. New city, new job, new goals. NEW. So in the idea of a new me, the old me was really great at decorating via hobby lobby, but this time things would be personal. Completely made by yours truly. Well, aside from the coffee table made by my sister that inspired the rest of the home, and the shelves from my two-daddy that I would refurbish to match the table.
I mean, it’s like getting married right? Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue?
Can do. Something old, two-daddy’s shelves; Something new, all the things to be crafted (Future blog posts in the making); Something borrowed, most of the ideas and aesthetic crafts; and Something blue, theme color.
So, I had a plan finally. All I had to do was put it in writing, make a consolidated list for my OCD, and execute an action. Simple.
So, as I sit here writing my list for what I need to get to compose my next zen space, burning myrrh, and journaling in my Positivity Planner (see previous installation), I’ve come to a conclusion:
Starting over is going to be ok, I’m going to be ok, and even though this blog is essentially filler to transition from how much panic I was in for so long to the sense of hope I have now, it’s ok.